Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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