I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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