i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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