This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
