well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
