Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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