Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it's not cheating when I paid for it
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
