Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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