he wants to bone in the snuggie
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
