We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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