Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
