He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just gargled with NyQuil
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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