OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
