idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
