I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
