I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
