are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize