I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I showed him my bush... on skype.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
