you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize