THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize