i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My ass is underappreciated
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize