so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
