we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
