this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
