I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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