please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
