one might say we're banned from that church
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
