this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
