Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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