best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
