One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
