I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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