Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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