and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
