the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
