Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
