I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
