he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my sisters under your porch take her home
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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