In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
