chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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