Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
