i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
