well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
