omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
