I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
