I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
