Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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