yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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