standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize