i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
