I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
