I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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