there's paper in my vomit.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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