YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
