My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
