Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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