In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I need water and some morals
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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