It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
