I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
