i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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