Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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