i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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