I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
