About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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