She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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