Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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