If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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