I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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