Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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