your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
