I'm so fucking centered right now
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
