No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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