i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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