I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize