is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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