i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
