it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize